What She refused to do . . .

Non-negotiables, things others can’t make us budge on, lines we’ve drawn in the sand and plan to never cross. As leadHERs, it’s essential that we not only set boundaries, live by standards, but also hold our ground when pressured to perform in ways inconsistent with our values. Just because there’s an expectation that we will conform to certain course of action doesn’t mean that we are obligated to do so. But the courage that it takes to refuse and the personal, professional, and social cost that we may incur make these instances some of the most difficult challenges for leadHERs.

On the seventh day of the feast, when King Xerxes was in high spirits because of the wine, he told the seven eunuchs who attended him—Mehuman, Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, Abagtha, Zethar, and Carcas— to bring Queen Vashti to him with the royal crown on her head. He wanted the nobles and all the other men to gaze on her beauty, for she was a very beautiful woman. (Esther 1:10-11, NLT).

When it comes to the special gifts you have, skills you possess, or talents that are uniquely yours, you may feel more readily tugged in the direction of compromise. But consider the cost. More than just the story of a disgruntled wife, Vashti’s experience reveals how those around you may choose to exploit your unique qualities for their own pleasure or gain. Even those in your own family.

But when they conveyed the king’s order to Queen Vashti, she refused to come. This made the king furious, and he burned with anger. (Esther 1:12, NLT)

Can you recognize a non-negotiable and follow through with a refusal? For Queen Vashti, the king’s order was an obvious NO. She wouldn’t enter his drunken party and display her beauty in an indecent manner. But just because she recognized that his plan didn’t fit her standards didn’t mean that she fully understood what it would cost her to refuse. What if your refusal to bend your standards costs you your career, your livelihood, your status, or your platform?

He immediately consulted with his wise advisers, who knew all the Persian laws and customs, for he always asked their advice. “What must be done to Queen Vashti?” the king demanded. “What penalty does the law provide for a queen who refuses to obey the king’s orders, properly sent through his eunuchs?” (Esther 1:13, 15, NLT)

Do you ever think, what kind of leadHER would I be if I did that? Are you guided by personal convictions? Do people already know what you will likely do or what you won’t? When you’re in the lead, people are often taking note of your actions and in action, your yes’s and no’s, your acceptance and refusals. As leadHERs, we must carve out a consistent path of principled, ethical behavior based on biblical standards that reminds others of how they too should live. Even when it costs us.

“So if it please the king, we suggest that you issue a written decree, a law of the Persians and Medes that cannot be revoked. It should order that Queen Vashti be forever banished from the presence of King Xerxes, and that the king should choose another queen more worthy than she. (Esther 1:19, NLT)

Can we talk about how Queen Vashti’s refusal was a bold leadership move that played into God’s purpose? Has there ever been a time when you refused to do something at personal cost, but you later learned how the right choice intersected with God’s design? Your “No” today to immorality, to sin or to compromise could very well be in direct alignment with a plan that God is putting forward for your future. As leadHERs, we must be courageous enough to align with what is right versus what will keep our jobs, careers, or social standing secure. Refusing to compromise is no easy task but one we will never regret even when it costs us. Queen Vashti’s story encourages every leadHER to examine her life and strengthen her resolve to live a principled life.

DEVELOP personal, ethical standards based on God’s Word.

DECIDE ahead of time what you will and will not do in life, ministry, business, etc.

DETERMINE to lead by example, even when it requires tough choices.

DEEPEN your commitment to God’s principles by practicing humility and submission to His will.

LeadHERs, my prayer for you today is that you will consider the consequences of your choices before consenting to any course of action. Make the decision to follow God’s will above all other plans, expectations, and social pressures. Ask God for the courage not to compromise and the wisdom for when to use NO as your final answer!

Your Sister in LeadHERship,

Dr. Margaret R. Frye

Want to learn more about the story of Queen Vashti? Find it in Esther 1:9-21.

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